remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
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I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
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I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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