i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
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i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
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And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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