Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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