I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
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Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
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I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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