Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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