the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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