I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize