I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think i have two assholes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
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I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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