there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize