Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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