Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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