this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
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I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
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At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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