my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize