Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
im holly from the hills drunk
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when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
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I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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