Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize