New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize