i just wanna soil my oats bro
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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