what day is it and did you see me today?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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