oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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