I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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