hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize