You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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