Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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