This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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