I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize