Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize