I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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