I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize