if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
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you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
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So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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