I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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