Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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