If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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