I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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