My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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