best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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