things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
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he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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