I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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