my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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