I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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