My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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