You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
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i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
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Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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