john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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