dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
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I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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