you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize