my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize