There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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