lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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