Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
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I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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