My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
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Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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