Acid is not a monday night drug
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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